Speech Errors – Cringeworthy Moments

When You Wish The Earth Would Swallow You Up

Communication between a male and female where there is a sexual attraction is not necessarily straight forward.  In fact, it can be a downright struggle and you may want the earth to swallow you up!  Speech errors can be prevalent and can be highly embarrassing as they indicate nervousness – a person can literally stumble on his or her words.  Hugh Grant did some pretty impressive speech stumbling in the film, Four Weddings and a Funeral, bless him, and didn’t your heart just go out to him?  Watch out for when speech errors happen in other environments aside from where there is sexual attraction, as they can be an indication of lying or trying to deceive.  This is particularly the case where there is stuttering or using ‘erm’ etc.  Also with speech errors, watch out (perhaps in a positive way) for the ‘Freudian slip’ – that is where a word that a person is truly thinking of simply slips out of a person’s mouth, instead of the word they actually want to say!  For instance:

Fred:    You’ve got a great butt today Jane, erm no, no – I mean a great result today, a great result.  Brilliant in fact.  Absolutely brilliant. (Wishing the earth would open up and swallow him!)

Jane:    (A bit shocked initially but continues to reply as she is oblivious to its true meaning …) Oh thanks Fred, yes I’m really happy with it.

The Freudian slip is where the true thought and meaning is spoken, rather than what the brain had cognitively intended to tell the mouth to say.  Another example of this is in the film, Bridget Jones’ Diary.  Bridget has to publicly speak to an audience at a book launch.  When announcing her colleague to the stage for recognition at the book launch, rather than announcing Mr Fitzherbert, out slips Mr Tits Pervert!  Oh no, too late, it’s out there, and there is no going back!  Yes, we can see that speech stumbles and Freudian slips can be both beneficial, but much of the time, downright embarrassing!  Although on a positive note, if you wanted to send a signal out to another person that you do find them attractive, you could engineer a deliberate Freudian slip!

In any event, hopefully, the speech issues will be overcome and flirtation is able to progress!

Body Contact – Getting In There!

Once the foundations of flirting have been laid down it is natural progression to endeavour body contact.  Body contact is a huge area in its own right and as such, I shall keep it brief here for now.  In Western cultures, it is still largely considered appropriate for the male to approach the female, (men, again I feel for, but don’t envy you!) although secretly the female may initiate her ‘approach’ via body language signals as I have discussed above.  

Generally amongst friendships, there are those who endeavour personal touch, for instance, hugging and/or a kiss or two on the cheek(s) when they meet and greet or depart.  The laws of body contact where there is attraction are a little different (although it could be built upon the ‘meet and greet’ principles).

I shall deal with hugging in a moment.  Firstly, I will address childsplay.  Sexual attraction can be displayed with childsplay, for instance, body contact by way of tickling which can be used as a safe test for reaction.  Tickling is quite ambiguous (which is what makes it ‘safe’) – in a playful environment tickling can easily be undertaken by a person and be received quite innocently without offence.  Where there is sexual attraction, it could well provoke a response of acknowledgment, for instance, a glimpse of eye contact which can be read to signal whether the tickling is acceptable, or merely allowing and permitting the tickling to take place without verbally rejecting it, or actively encouraging it merely by going along with it.  When a person is aware that it has not verbally been rejected, the tickling action can then be prolonged and it may be possible to quickly progress to something more passionate!

Hugging is also a relatively risk-free action, even where there is attraction between a male and female.  If a male and female are at the stage where they feel comfortable to hug, this action can be excellent as an opportunity to develop into something further!  For instance, if one person is particularly happy about some good news he or she has received, or even sad, whatever the emotion, the opportunist can celebrate / congratulate / reassure / comfort the other person by hugging them.  This need not be as daunting an action to take as you may initially think – by verbalising what you are going to do first prior to carrying out the action actually takes the shock away from it.  (This can also apply to touch other than hugs.)  For example:

Jane:    Do you know, I’m really fed up today.  I’ve had a really bad day, everything just seems to have gone wrong, if it’s not been one thing it’s been another.

Fred:    Aw poor you, that’s a shame, come here, let me give you a hug and you can tell me what’s happened.

Hug takes place!  Bingo!

Hugs are a sign of friendly affection that could rapidly develop into something more passionate!  A hug is an excellent opportunity to quickly progress to say, a kiss, where there is sexual attraction between a male and female, given the closeness of the two bodies.  In these circumstances, whilst the hug is taking place, it is possible to make the kiss happen.  One can pause with their face very close to the other’s face, or move their hands to a place that is not necessarily where they would be for the action of just a hug.  For instance, moving one hand to hold onto the back of the other person’s neck or head (also useful for pulling the person in towards you).  If enough emphasis is placed on a certain little ‘action’ during a hug, hopefully the other person will have the sixth sense to pick up on it, make eye contact, and away you go!  So you see, hugs rock!  Although watch out for the pat on the back whilst hugging, it is a sign that enough is enough.

How Can We Know For Sure?

In summary, there are many signals where there is attraction between a male and female. The initial eye contact is present.  Emphasis is placed on differentiating the genders, certainly in body language, by way of preening, strutting for men, emphasizing hair and female attributes for women – this may also possibly be emphasized verbally in conversation. Being open and encouraging is the underlying factor, even if conversation is strained due to nervousness and stumbling. Despite all of these signals, each gender say it is very, very difficult to know for sure, as there can be so much ambiguity, particularly if they are playing it safe, but hopefully the signals in body language may help!  It is always difficult to know with any certainty unless one person has the courage to verbalise they are sexually attracted to the other, and the flirtation process almost always involves tentatively taking risks to some degree as each proceeds to test the other.

If you are experiencing attraction to another and don’t know what, if anything, to do about it due to fear of rejection or other reasons, or if you have any interesting comments to make or add then please email me by clicking this link with the details (which are totally confidential) and I would be happy to provide my opinion, in the hope of shining some light on the situation!  Please see 'Our Charges' for e-mail counselling rates.  N.B. Special offer applies of 4 for 3 e-mail counselling sessions up until and including 30th November.